Nice Try, Lao Che

Being a pilot for Lao Che airlines had to be a weird gig. At some point in your training, you are told that if your boss ever salutes you from the tarmac while laughing maniacally, you are to jump out of the plane mid-flight and leave your passengers to their deaths.

This begs a lot of questions.

1. When does this come up during the training? Do they make it clear during the first few minutes that murder and great personal risk come with the job? Is it before or after the first 15-minute “bio-break?” Do the new hires talk about it in the bathroom?

2. What kind of benefits does Lao Che offer? My company has a pretty decent 401(k) and medical/dental plane, but there’s not much they offer that would make me jump out of a plane over New Delhi. Maybe if they got that box back at Phillips. I got to see KISS that way a few years back.

3. Is your year-end bonus dependent on how many jumps/murders you have? “Don’t drink that coffee. That coffee’s for jumper-killers.”

4. Does your business card say “Pilot-Jumper-Killer?” Did they pick up girls in bars by telling them that they were "Lao Che PJKs?"

I could go on. I asked this same question over at CHUD and got some good responses.

Anyway, I just caught the end of that Terminator TV show and in the final scene a urinal turned into a Terminator in the form of Shirley Manson. I had a massive crush on Ms. Manson from during my college years, and I'm pretty sure that sequence is going to cause me to have dreams that would make Freud call me "really fucked up."