Whiny Blog: A short play by Will Mason, Esq.
(The day is Saturday. Our Hero, a bald, pale man, is feeling more bummed out than usual. It's been an excruciating year for him. He's sad, and he's mad at himself for being sad when the rational part of himself is screaming at him to knock it off.)
Our Hero: Sigh.
(Our Hero spends some time with his family, including his niece and nephew. This cheers him up, but then he realizes someday that they're going to go through some kind of emotional pain and they're going to realize life isn't all goofing around and fun.Then he gets sad again. He goes home, eats a couple of cookies his mom made for him, and calls it a day.)
(Our Hero rises on Sunday, ready to see if he can't be a little more cheerful today. He decides to go run 5 miles, as he'd done several times earlier this week to see if he can't get back in shape for a half-marathon on Thanksgiving. 1.5 miles into his run, Our Hero trips and fully kisses the pavement, collapsing in a rising cloud of skin that used to be attached to him and dust.)
Our Hero: Fuck!
(Several people are standing on different parts of the same intersection. Several of them look at Our Hero, who is now covered in grime and blood. Then they all go about their business, none asking if he's okay. Our Hero takes stock: left elbow: destroyed. Left Hip: ripped to shit. Right knee: beyond the valley of the superfucked. He's also pretty sure he bruised a rib or two.)
(Our Hero shuffles the 1.5 miles home, after using his shirt to stop the geyser of blood coming out of his knee. He notes that when you're in kind of a nice neighborhood, people tend to walk a little faster to avoid the bleeding man. He finally makes it home and clean his wounds the best he can. He is currently terrified at the thought of getting in the shower, because he knows that's going to hurt like a bastard.)
(Our Hero had originally planned to go volunteer at a voter registration drive today. Now, he's thinking that he's going to sit on the couch for a bit and wait for the bars to open. At least Our Hero doesn't have any vacation plans coming up in the next week and a half where an open wound might be a liability---OH WAIT.
What do you think, folks? Am I the knew Tom Stoppard or what?
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2 comments:
"life isn't all goofing around and fun"
WHA??????? Shit.
That's a bitch, ain't it?
Joke my niece told me: How do you make a handkerchief dance? Put a little boogie in it.
The best part was was watching her lose it when she told the punchline.
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