How the other half lives

*ring, ring*

"Hello?

"Will, it's Beth."

"Beth from the KISS song?!"

"You're an idiot."

"Yes.

"I scored free tickets to the opening night gala for an antiques show."

"..."

"Free booze. Free snacks. It's normally 125 bones to get into this thing."

"Pick me up at 7."

And so, Beth (former co-worker, friend who gives me the occasional kick in the ass when necessary) and I went to this big honkin' cathedral where they were having the antiques show. As well pull up into the parking lot, we see people dressed up like they were going to the prom. Beth had her bohemian look going that she wears so well, and I looked like a homeless person, as is standard. As we get into the lobby, we see whole bunch of hair plugs and Botox around. Awesome.

Wine!

After a few minutes, the doors open and we head into a room full of stuff that I can barely identify. We find our friend Christopher who has a booth for the show, and he advises us to quickly make our way to the food before the crowd descends upon it like vultures. Beth and I haul ass to the food. And yea verily, the food was good. I inhaled a couple of pounds of pork tenderloin and salmon, while Beth partook of the lamb.

Wine!

We wander around the show for a bit. The best dealer name we saw was The Big Chandelier, which sold, yes, big chandeliers. At the booth next door, I found a vanity that was selling for $11,000. I started to point this out to Beth, but she had found a table selling for $45,000. I decided to get out of that booth before I tripped over my lummox-ass feet and broke something. On the way back downstairs, we saw a big brass horse head selling for 3 large.

Wine!

We went back to Christopher's booth, where he showed us a few of the pieces he had for sale. This included a vase made in 1640 selling for $14,000. Now, here's the bit where I actually learned something. Christopher was telling us about the history of the piece, how its creation was influenced by what was going on in the world at the time and the painstaking process used to create its artwork. Antiques still aren't my thing (except old LPs, I guess), but I started to understand it, the same way someone might start to get it if they got me started talking about Larry Brown books or something.

Then Christopher made me hold a plate that was selling for $1,000. If you'll see above, I'd had three glasses of wine at this point and was very, very glad when he took the plate back.

Beth and I checked out the cathedral's sanctuary and were both pleasantly surprised when it didn't burst into flames after we walked in. After desserts and not having our names drawn for door prizes, we called an end to the evening. Beth had the premiere of Lost to watch and I probably needed to get home and argue about Kirk vs. Picard* on the internet or something.

So, we spent an evening in the upper crust (actually, I kind of got the feeling a lot of the attendees were middle crust desperately trying to be upper crust, but that's another essay). Not my world, but a fun place to visit for a night. If anybody needs me, I'll be down here among the proletariat.

*Kirk, dammit!