1. Why does Swamp Thing never have any free time? Because he's always swamped.
2. Swamp Thing was sick recently. But he's vine now. He looked a little green earlier.
3. I used to not like Swamp Thing, but he grew on me.
4. There's a miniseries coming out about Swamp Thing's ancestors: Roots.
5. Man, Swamp Thing was so unpopular in high school. He was a real square root.
6. Swamp Thing wasn't terribly athletic, but he still made the baseball team. His position: pitcher's mound.
7. Swamp Thing's favorite sexual act? Tossing the salad.
8. Swamp Thing hates going shopping during the holidays. He can never find a place to bark.
9. Swamp Thing was held back a year in grade school. He was only at a second grade weeding level.
10. Swamp Thing is very accomplished in his career. He's a captain of industree all right.
11. Swamp Thing had kind of an embarassing incident as a teenager. His parents caught him weedwacking.
12. Swamp Thing's tough to be in a relationship for sure. His last girlfriend capped off their final argument with this kiss-off line: "Yeah, just go ahead and do what you do best. Leave."
13. Swamp Thing wanted to watch the whole movie, but he really had to pea.
14. Swamp Thing's teenage years were awkward for him. He'd go through these massive growth spurts. Dogs kept shitting in him.
15. Swamp Thing is a loyal friend. He always sticks by your side.
16. Swamp Thing had to go to the doctor the other day. He had a growth on his venus.
17. Swamp Thing is busy this weekend. His plant and uncle are in town.
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3 comments:
These are still every bit as good now as they were three years ago.
Good Lord, that was three years ago? You guys are so old.
I should re-post all of our old lists and kind of do our "Steel Wheels" tour.
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