"Man, this new X-Men cartoon isn't very good."
"Hey, genius. You're 31. The target demographic for this show is probably 10. 10! And you weren't even a big X-Men fan when you were a kid."
"I...that's a good point actually. Okay. I guess that's it for superhero cartoons for me."
"FINALLY."
"All right. Hey, I can still watch Spongebob, right?"
"Of course. Patrick's funny as hell."
"Introspection leading to a little bit of growth high five!"
*slap*
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
How the other half lives
*ring, ring*
"Hello?
"Will, it's Beth."
"Beth from the KISS song?!"
"You're an idiot."
"Yes.
"I scored free tickets to the opening night gala for an antiques show."
"..."
"Free booze. Free snacks. It's normally 125 bones to get into this thing."
"Pick me up at 7."
And so, Beth (former co-worker, friend who gives me the occasional kick in the ass when necessary) and I went to this big honkin' cathedral where they were having the antiques show. As well pull up into the parking lot, we see people dressed up like they were going to the prom. Beth had her bohemian look going that she wears so well, and I looked like a homeless person, as is standard. As we get into the lobby, we see whole bunch of hair plugs and Botox around. Awesome.
Wine!
After a few minutes, the doors open and we head into a room full of stuff that I can barely identify. We find our friend Christopher who has a booth for the show, and he advises us to quickly make our way to the food before the crowd descends upon it like vultures. Beth and I haul ass to the food. And yea verily, the food was good. I inhaled a couple of pounds of pork tenderloin and salmon, while Beth partook of the lamb.
Wine!
We wander around the show for a bit. The best dealer name we saw was The Big Chandelier, which sold, yes, big chandeliers. At the booth next door, I found a vanity that was selling for $11,000. I started to point this out to Beth, but she had found a table selling for $45,000. I decided to get out of that booth before I tripped over my lummox-ass feet and broke something. On the way back downstairs, we saw a big brass horse head selling for 3 large.
Wine!
We went back to Christopher's booth, where he showed us a few of the pieces he had for sale. This included a vase made in 1640 selling for $14,000. Now, here's the bit where I actually learned something. Christopher was telling us about the history of the piece, how its creation was influenced by what was going on in the world at the time and the painstaking process used to create its artwork. Antiques still aren't my thing (except old LPs, I guess), but I started to understand it, the same way someone might start to get it if they got me started talking about Larry Brown books or something.
Then Christopher made me hold a plate that was selling for $1,000. If you'll see above, I'd had three glasses of wine at this point and was very, very glad when he took the plate back.
Beth and I checked out the cathedral's sanctuary and were both pleasantly surprised when it didn't burst into flames after we walked in. After desserts and not having our names drawn for door prizes, we called an end to the evening. Beth had the premiere of Lost to watch and I probably needed to get home and argue about Kirk vs. Picard* on the internet or something.
So, we spent an evening in the upper crust (actually, I kind of got the feeling a lot of the attendees were middle crust desperately trying to be upper crust, but that's another essay). Not my world, but a fun place to visit for a night. If anybody needs me, I'll be down here among the proletariat.
*Kirk, dammit!
"Hello?
"Will, it's Beth."
"Beth from the KISS song?!"
"You're an idiot."
"Yes.
"I scored free tickets to the opening night gala for an antiques show."
"..."
"Free booze. Free snacks. It's normally 125 bones to get into this thing."
"Pick me up at 7."
And so, Beth (former co-worker, friend who gives me the occasional kick in the ass when necessary) and I went to this big honkin' cathedral where they were having the antiques show. As well pull up into the parking lot, we see people dressed up like they were going to the prom. Beth had her bohemian look going that she wears so well, and I looked like a homeless person, as is standard. As we get into the lobby, we see whole bunch of hair plugs and Botox around. Awesome.
Wine!
After a few minutes, the doors open and we head into a room full of stuff that I can barely identify. We find our friend Christopher who has a booth for the show, and he advises us to quickly make our way to the food before the crowd descends upon it like vultures. Beth and I haul ass to the food. And yea verily, the food was good. I inhaled a couple of pounds of pork tenderloin and salmon, while Beth partook of the lamb.
Wine!
We wander around the show for a bit. The best dealer name we saw was The Big Chandelier, which sold, yes, big chandeliers. At the booth next door, I found a vanity that was selling for $11,000. I started to point this out to Beth, but she had found a table selling for $45,000. I decided to get out of that booth before I tripped over my lummox-ass feet and broke something. On the way back downstairs, we saw a big brass horse head selling for 3 large.
Wine!
We went back to Christopher's booth, where he showed us a few of the pieces he had for sale. This included a vase made in 1640 selling for $14,000. Now, here's the bit where I actually learned something. Christopher was telling us about the history of the piece, how its creation was influenced by what was going on in the world at the time and the painstaking process used to create its artwork. Antiques still aren't my thing (except old LPs, I guess), but I started to understand it, the same way someone might start to get it if they got me started talking about Larry Brown books or something.
Then Christopher made me hold a plate that was selling for $1,000. If you'll see above, I'd had three glasses of wine at this point and was very, very glad when he took the plate back.
Beth and I checked out the cathedral's sanctuary and were both pleasantly surprised when it didn't burst into flames after we walked in. After desserts and not having our names drawn for door prizes, we called an end to the evening. Beth had the premiere of Lost to watch and I probably needed to get home and argue about Kirk vs. Picard* on the internet or something.
So, we spent an evening in the upper crust (actually, I kind of got the feeling a lot of the attendees were middle crust desperately trying to be upper crust, but that's another essay). Not my world, but a fun place to visit for a night. If anybody needs me, I'll be down here among the proletariat.
*Kirk, dammit!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Hear a great song and help some animals
Hey folks,
The incredible Neko Case has a new album coming out, and you can download the new song "People Got a Lotta Nerve" here:
http://www.anti.com/media/download/708
For every blog that re-posts the song, she and Anti- are donating $5 to a the Best Friends animal rescue group. If you do the iLike thing, they'll donate $1 for everyone who iLikes it. If you're the blogging type, please re-post. More info on the group is below, and you can read more about the whole effort here.
See? I'm not always a ranting prick.
The incredible Neko Case has a new album coming out, and you can download the new song "People Got a Lotta Nerve" here:
http://www.anti.com/media/download/708
For every blog that re-posts the song, she and Anti- are donating $5 to a the Best Friends animal rescue group. If you do the iLike thing, they'll donate $1 for everyone who iLikes it. If you're the blogging type, please re-post. More info on the group is below, and you can read more about the whole effort here.
See? I'm not always a ranting prick.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Two facts
1. If you're looking forward to a show by The Dead, you deserve pretty much whatever happens to you.
2. This is awesome. If you're at work, you'll probably want to throw some headphones on.
2. This is awesome. If you're at work, you'll probably want to throw some headphones on.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Making it happen, then watching it happen
A word of warning: this entry is very me-centric and skirts around the edges of egomania. Let me assure you that I'm still as self-loathing as ever. Death, taxes, and me hating myself: depend on it!
About a year ago, I wrote a short story to submit to a horror anthology. Said horror anthology rejected the story, in part because I accidentally wrote a comedy, but I had fun writing it and showed it to some friends. Swarney, filmmaker extraordinaire, told me to turn it into a script. So, I turned it into a script. Swarney says "I'm doing this next." He gets his two leads, one of whom is a good friend and a beloved Atlanta actor. I don't know the other lead, but if Swarney wants him, then I'm sold.
This morning, we had our first script readthrough with Matt and Jeremiah. The four of us were all kind of worn out from our respective Saturdays, but watching those two guys take control of the characters and get them figured out was incredible. We read through it once, with Swarney leading things and me filling in one for one of the supporting roles. Everybody stops once the food arrives (as an aside, the weekend brunch menu at Manuel's Tavern is greasy and awesome), then we run through it again, switching the leads. Those two guys owned it by the second time through, and I found myself laughing at lines I had written because they sold it so well.
I was also laughing because what I had written was genius, but that's a given.
It's just kind of weird that this riduculous story that I wrote one afternoon last year while stuck at home, bored and depressed during a snowstorm has now lead to actors learning lines, locations being scouted, and people commiting a lot of time and effort. It's gratifying and humbling and I'm looking forward to being a part of it as it develops. More on this as it happens.
About a year ago, I wrote a short story to submit to a horror anthology. Said horror anthology rejected the story, in part because I accidentally wrote a comedy, but I had fun writing it and showed it to some friends. Swarney, filmmaker extraordinaire, told me to turn it into a script. So, I turned it into a script. Swarney says "I'm doing this next." He gets his two leads, one of whom is a good friend and a beloved Atlanta actor. I don't know the other lead, but if Swarney wants him, then I'm sold.
This morning, we had our first script readthrough with Matt and Jeremiah. The four of us were all kind of worn out from our respective Saturdays, but watching those two guys take control of the characters and get them figured out was incredible. We read through it once, with Swarney leading things and me filling in one for one of the supporting roles. Everybody stops once the food arrives (as an aside, the weekend brunch menu at Manuel's Tavern is greasy and awesome), then we run through it again, switching the leads. Those two guys owned it by the second time through, and I found myself laughing at lines I had written because they sold it so well.
I was also laughing because what I had written was genius, but that's a given.
It's just kind of weird that this riduculous story that I wrote one afternoon last year while stuck at home, bored and depressed during a snowstorm has now lead to actors learning lines, locations being scouted, and people commiting a lot of time and effort. It's gratifying and humbling and I'm looking forward to being a part of it as it develops. More on this as it happens.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
R.I.P. Ron
Ron Asheton died, as you most likely know by now. If you don't know him, I feel sorry for you. The music that he made with the Stooges helped to wake me up to the world. That grinding, metallic, beautiful noise made me realize that there was more to music than what I was hearing on the radio. Once I heard the Stooges and the MC5, the old me was done, and so much for the better. I hope he and Johnny Thunders are jamming together right now. Here's a little something that pays tribute to the man's work. For Christ's sake, go seek out the originals.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Car trouble
I'm driving down a mountain road and hit an icy patch. The car skids out of control, and I'm headed for certain doom. I know I am going to die. With my final fate racing towards me, I scream out "Help me, Jesus!" like any good atheist would do. The car suddenly rights itself. I'm going to live. I breath out a sigh of relief. I look over to the passenger side, and there's Jesus, sitting shotgun.
Oh, crap.
Oh, crap.
I know he’s going to want something in return, like for me to go help the blind in Calcutta. I give him $5 and let him out at the next gas station. I don’t have time for a holy crusade. I have too much to do. Rock of Love 3 ain't going to watch itself.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy new year
The calendar has rolled around another 365 days and we're here again, a chance for redemption and renewal. To acknowledge the mistakes of the past and move forward with fresh...
The hell with it. Some good things will happen to you in the next year and so will some bad things. Try to act surprised. Let's all meet back here in a year's time and compare notes.
To commemorate the new year, here's my favorite joke of all time, told to me by Cary Christopher many years ago:
A guy is suffering from impotence and goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him that he's in luck, a new procedure has been developed to take care of the condition. A muscle from the trunk of a baby elephant is implanted into the man's groinal regional, with no harm to the elephant in the process.
"Let's do this thing," the man says.
He has the procedure done and it's a success. After his recuperative period, he goes out on a date. He and his ladyfriend are enjoying a lovely dinner when his dick comes up from under the table, grabs a biscuit, and goes back underneath the table.
There is an understandably awkward pause.
Finally, the woman asks "Can you do that again?"
"Yeah, but I don't think my ass can hold another biscuit."
The hell with it. Some good things will happen to you in the next year and so will some bad things. Try to act surprised. Let's all meet back here in a year's time and compare notes.
To commemorate the new year, here's my favorite joke of all time, told to me by Cary Christopher many years ago:
A guy is suffering from impotence and goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him that he's in luck, a new procedure has been developed to take care of the condition. A muscle from the trunk of a baby elephant is implanted into the man's groinal regional, with no harm to the elephant in the process.
"Let's do this thing," the man says.
He has the procedure done and it's a success. After his recuperative period, he goes out on a date. He and his ladyfriend are enjoying a lovely dinner when his dick comes up from under the table, grabs a biscuit, and goes back underneath the table.
There is an understandably awkward pause.
Finally, the woman asks "Can you do that again?"
"Yeah, but I don't think my ass can hold another biscuit."
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